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3*FE: False Equivalencies, Fake Empowerment and Fragile Egos

Read: We will never get out of here.


Warning: if you're sensitive to topics such as sexual, physical and psychological abuse, rape and misogyny, I advise you not to read this.

I was hoping that Andrew Tate's arrest would've shaken our neurons with enough vigorousness to halt the flow of out-of-this-world takes all over the internet, but then I realized that I should have never let my expectations go that high. For months I felt absolutely baffled seeing this man actively "brainwashing" generations of men (or rather, accentuating their misogynistic tendencies), completely unbothered, even more after the coercion/abuse/human trafficking "allegations" (now facts) came out - as if the countless podcasts and blogposts weren't enough to send him to a hitlist straight away.
For the readers who live under a rock (I envy you, I really do), I will let Tate describe himself to you.

"My name is Andrew Tate. I'm a retired 4x World Champion kickboxer who is now a multi-millionaire, and I'm the most competent person on the entire planet to teach you about male-female interactions. How did I become rich? Webcam. [...] [in nearly a decade] I've had over 75 girls work for me. [...] Over 50% of my employees were actually my girlfriend at the time, and of all my girlfriends, NONE were in the adult entertainment industry before they met me."

This is what you could read on his old about page.
To give more context to why and how he is all over the place right now: he escaped to Romania because "it's the Country with the least reports for sexual assault in Europe", also with the intention to run a multi-millionaire sex trafficking scheme involving romanian women. After his video response to Thunberg's tweet rightfully mocking him, romanian police officers were able to track him down through a pizza box that appeared in his clip. Him, his brother and other men were arrested that same night.
How was he able to do such things? His nonstop bragging led him to this situation:

"My job was to meet a girl, go on a few dates, sleep with her, test if she's quality, get her to fall in love with me to where she'd do anything I say, and then get her on webcam so we could become rich together."

On December 29th, 2022, DIICOT (Direcția de Investigare a Infracțiunilor de Criminalitate Organizată și Terorism - the directorate for investigating organized crime and terroristic activities in Romania), released a notice regarding Tate's arrest. My Romanian comprehension is not the best and, to my current knowledge, not many of my readers are fluent in this language. Here's a recap:

  • The victims were led into having relationships with him (and others);
    This is a strategy called "loverboy" and it's the most insidious. The pimp manipulates a girl (adult or not, doesn't matter) into falling in love with him, usually through materialistic expedients like luxury items, cruises, vacations, all in exchange for her absolute submission to him. The girl accepts this treatment under the false impression that she's in control, like she's the one to have charmed the pimp into falling in love with her, with her beauty or sexual performance.
  • "They were later transported and housed in buildings in Ilfov county where, by exercising acts of physical violence and mental coercion (through intimidation, constant surveillance, control and invoking alleged debts)..."
    After the honeymoon phase is out of the way, or should I say, """quality test""", he proceeds to isolate them even further through threats and violence, the victim is now unable to escape.
  • "...they were sexually exploited by group members by forcing them to perform demonstrations pornographic for the purpose of producing and disseminating through social media platforms material having such a character and by submitting to the execution of a forced labor..."

Six injured women were identified at the time of the arrest.
We reached a point where all of this is beyond ridiculous. He was able to run this scheme for a decade, he coerced, enslaved and abused more than 75 women and, surprisingly enough, "nobody" was able to track him down. They started going after him after the first rape allegations, as if the disturbing bullshit he had been admitting to do over the past 10 years didn't already scream "I'M A SEX TRAFFICKER AND AN ABUSER" loud and clear.
The public's reaction to his (sadly metaphorical) roasting and subsequent conviction was exactly what I expected. Tone deaf and delusional. But I'm not here to talk about grown men defending a human trafficker from nonexistent "bodyshaming" (fucking lmao) with a good dose of hysterical crying and shit in their pants. Men and pick-me's are going to whiteknight the lowest scum of the earth if it means "proving the evil feminists wrong" with phrases like "How DARE you insult a man for his appearence?? What if the roles were reversed???".
You've got a serious case of parasitic infection in your encephalus if you truly think saying "small dick energy" is anywhere near everything written above. I'm sorry you have a parasocial relationship with a rapist, can't relate tho.

Now some of you might think:
"Well, this is terrible, but fortunately it's only one case".
Except it's not. The porn industry and prostitution rely on the brainwashing and coercion of women, and the goal of the perpetrators is to make it seem as if most of what's behind the scenes is actually consensual and done with enthusiasm. Hundreds of ex porn actresses, OF models and prostitutes have reported the horrors they experienced in these environments.

- permanent injuries, STDs, UTIs, beatings, slapping, etc.
- uninterrupted sessions: up to 7-10 hours for porn actresses, even more than 24 hours for prostitutes.
- mental scarring, insults, dehumanization.
- constant objectification and internalized hypersexualization (being constantly in denial, telling yourself that "you actually enjoy it").
- links with child abuse and child sex trafficking.
- sex tourism.
- fear of getting kidnapped.
- fear of dying due to physical violence, rape and asphyxiation.
- actually dying, murder.
- escape through derealization, depersonalization, drug abuse, self-harm or suicide.
- stalking, manipulation, intimindation.
- long-term psychological damage (PTSD rate has been found higher in prostitutes than in war veterans).
- permanent stigmatization and isolation.

This is what you're fighting for when you say you want sex work to be legalized and porn to be normalized.
This is what you want for women when you say "sex work is work".
This is what you endorse when you say that "porn is actually harmless and good for you."

We created some intellectually dishonest dichotomies, by which:
a) if religious/conservative people hate sex work/porn (they don't, but let's pretend they do), then we must fight for its legalization and endorsement!
b) if religious/conservative people limit the freedom of women (they do), then we must label everything women do as "free choice"!

My stance does not revolve around religion and """purity culture""" (a very tone deaf term to describe what's going on here), but rather on the assumption that women should be free.
Not "free to do whatever they want", because it brings us back to the free choice paradox. I want all of us to be free from this patriarchal system, period.
Porn is evil because it creates a hypersexual expectation for young girls and women, trapping them into the horrors mentioned above.
Porn is NOT sex. Don't confuse pornography with erotica. There's a difference between exploring your sexuality and jacking off to "BARELY LEGAL TEEN WHORE GETS DESTROYED BY 10 MEN & LEFT UNCONSCIOUS FOR 24 HOURS". Sex is not vanished 16 year olds suddenly appearing on pornhub's homepage. Don't be dense. If you confuse the latter with healthy sex it only says a lot about you being a fucking misogynistic degenerate.

Sex "work" (and this includes porn acting) is the farthest thing from work, so dear burger-flipping sex-work-positive activists, don't you even dare comparing working at Burger King to being a woman in the sex industry/trafficking rings.
- they don't have contracts.
- if they do, they are never respected.
- it targets women, young girls and children.
- the perpetrators and target audience are overwhelmingly male (have you ever heard of a woman hiring a prostitute for herself? probably not as much as you've heard a man doing it).
- it fetishizes abuse, fear and rape.
- it involves racism and xenophobia (ex: fetishization of black, eastern/south east asian, eastern european women and so on).
- it involves kidnapping.
- it involves murder.
- you can't put it in your CV.
- there are no safety checks.
- literally every consequence listed in the previous list.

Any attempt to frame sex "work" as something "ackshually empowering and liberating" will only bring you closer and closer to Tate boy up there. "Let's get rich". "Join OF and become that 0.0001%". "The only way to explore your sexuality is by breaking the idea that women should be pure and untouched, post your nudes online! Hypersexualize yourself! Dedicate most of your energies into being the bimbo you always wanted to be! We're gonna trigger these conservatives soooooo bad lololol"

Any attempt to speak up about the detrimental effect porn and prostitution have on women has always been met with disappointment, anger and outrage by said "sex-positive activists". Their go-to replies are always something along the lines of:

  • "Do you want sex workers to DIE??"
    No, quite the opposite actually.

  • "Do you understand that without sex work many women won't be able to eat???"
    They said the same about child labor, yet I'm not seeing any of you all defending it. Women (especially immigrants) enter these environments because there is no alternative. Instead of forcing them to live through hell, it would be better for them to work a proper, decent-wage job without the fear of not making it every single day.

  • "Well some do it because they want to!"
    And suddenly the fast food analogy doesn't work here anymore. A choice is not a choice if the alternative is dying of hunger.

    Remind me what consent in sexual interactions is. Oh right, "an enthusiastic, explicit 'yes' willingly pronounced by both parties, no emotional/economical/psychological blackmail, no pressure, no violence." Consent can't be bought with money, no matter how you twist it, it's paid rape.

The most nerve-wracking thing about idiots with this attitude is that they successfully managed to silence survivors. Let me provide you with an example.
I want to tell you a story of a woman that is no longer with us. It will be hard for me to fully express the impact she had on me, even thinking about her brings me a lot of pain, to this day.
I wish I could use the present tense.

Her name was Alma "Adelina" Sejdini and she was a survivor of sex trafficking in an italo-albanian racket. She was brought to Italy against her will at 22 years old. Thanks to her courage, she reported the criminal activity to the Italian authorities and 80 men were reported but "only" 40 of them were arrested. They also liberated 10 other women that were enslaved with her (the youngest one was a 14 year old girl). After this event, she couldn't go back to Albania.

"Io se torno in Albania sono una donna morta, ho paura di essere ammazzata da quelli che ho fatto arrestare."
"If i go back to Albania, I'm a dead woman, I'm afraid to be killed by those I had arrested."
(La7 interview - 3.11.2021)

She was soon let down by the Italian bureoucratic system too. In her second residency permit, her nationality shifted from "stateless" to "Albanian", despite living in Italy for more than 20 years. Her physical condition (tumor) worsened year by year, she couldn't afford treatments and was denied a disability pension. She set herself on fire on the 28th of October 2021 in front of the Quirinal Palace in Rome, because she desperately wanted to talk with the President of Italy. Once again, she was left with nothing but anger and disappointed. The State that promised her protection and care was now treating her "like a ghost" (her words).

"Ho presentato la domanda per avere una casa popolare, ma adesso me la sogno. I documenti non corrispondono più. E non posso accettare la cittadinanza albanese, dal momento in cui me l’hanno scritto ho gli incubi. Mi ammazzo piuttosto.”
"I tried to request a public housing apartment, but now I should just forget about it. My documents no longer match. And I can't accept my Albanian citizenship; since the moment they have written that, I have nightmares. I'd rather kill myself."

Adelina Sejdini killed herself on November 8th, 2021.
She will always be remembered for her incessant activism and abolitionist stances, her constant fighting against sex trafficking and prostitution. She took part in countless interviews, podcasts and events about women's rights and her experience as an immigrant survivor in Italy. One event in particular - NON UNA DI MENO's meeting, date: February 4th-5th, 2017 - officially drew the line between self-proclaimed activists and actual survivors. There is much more to say about this absolute mockery of an organization. Adelina harshly criticized what certain "proud sex workers" said during the assembly.

"...nel loro intervento, si esaltarono e raccontarono di quanto fosse bello e soddisfacente essere puttana … Scusate il termini utilizzati ma sono le parole esatte usate dalle presunte sex workers. Esse affermano che non sarebbero mai andate a lavare il culo a persone anziane o a fare le badanti e preferiscono prostituirsi."
" their contribution, they [the two sex workers] were bragging and telling us about how wonderful and satisfying being a whore was ... Sorry for these terms, but they were the exact words the so-called "sex workers" said. They claim that they would have never wanted to clean old people's asses or become caretakers, they prefer prostituting themselves."

It's true that a small minority of "sex workers" feels like they have the power to manage these "transactions", but when will the façade drop off?
Why are we, as a "totally not woman-hating society" prioritizing the experiences of the "lucky" 0.0001% when 99.999% of them report experiences similar to Adelina's? Are we scared to look bigoted?
If you still have doubts about who eventually benefits from this system, read some "reviews" written by rapis- cough, sex buyers (spoiler: they're the same thing!).

I'm done with this, there is more to say, especially about the clients, but I think this is long enough. I apologize for the messy structure, my mind was all over the place when I wrote this. It brings me so much pain and anger and the only thing I can do is spreading some awareness.
Just remember one thing.
If you defend the right to do sex "work", you are by definition defending the right to buy sex and the right for pimps to exist. (with all the implications stated above). You are fighing against our liberation.

“Diventate la mia voce, date voce a quello che è successo a me perché tutte le Adeline possano avere quello che non ho avuto io, che queste cose non possano accadere più.”
"Be my voice, tell everyone about what happened to me so that all 'Adelina's out there can have what I couldn't have, so that these things can no longer happen."

(A. Sejdini in a video, moments before she took her life.)