[dd/mm/yyyy]
31.12.2022 W1: Happy New Year everyone! I published a relatively short text about my attitude towards certain over-glorified things. I will fix all the sources after taking care of other irl things. May this 2023 be less terrible than 2022. |
29.12.2022 song of the day: Mondaze - Incense Smell W1: yesterday i bought some stuff in a thrift store. i got a wool.. uhh... i don't know how it's called in english... shoulder-warmer?? it's crocheted, probably made by some grandma. i love it a lot, it's so soft, and it doesn't itch. i got two scarves too, one for me and one for my mother. everything for the grand price of 9eu (3eu x 3). i will wear the shoulder-warmer(?) in the following months. really? there's really no other way to call them? |
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25.12.2022 W1: merry christmas to whoever celebrates it. today i drank a very strange olive liquor made by my uncle. to my surprise, it tasted like licorice and orange, it had an oily feel but it was enjoyable. tomorrow i will go ice skating again (╹ڡ╹ ) yipi! my new year's resolutions include visiting ice rinks more and more often, and perhaps subscribing to a figure skating course. my fear is that it'll be quite expensive (and time consuming), but i really need to do some sport or physical activity. in the last decade, i felt like an absolute amoeba. i dropped every activity because of laziness and also lack of money. i'm too old to participate in contests and my flexibility has declined rather brutally. i used to do artistic gym when i was little and i miss being flexible. that's why i decided to keep doing stretching exercises every day. people often say that if you start doing phys activity, you will feel better psychologically, and the worst thing about them is that they're right. going out and doing a silly little walk (preferrably in a pretty place if you have the chance to) is annoyingly good for your silly mental health. |
19.12.2022 W1: tonight i will play seashells and concrete crown. and tomorrow i will start studying for my first exams. it's going to be quite fun, i like the things i studied in this trimester. i finished ayanami raising project and got the burber bing ending, doesn't make any sense but ok. i don't think i'm going to touch that grooming simulator ever again. the graphics were cool, so i took some screenshots. ![]() ![]() ![]() W3: i just finished playing the aforementioned games, they're quite short, atmospheric and metaphorical/allegorical. it's the kind of horror game i actually enjoy. jumpscares and people chasing you are quite overrated. |
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15.12.2022 song of the day: 溶けない名前 ダブル・プラトニツク・スウイサイド W1: i am not a progamer(tm) so i doubt i'll ever make a page about vidya reviews, however, i enjoy playing old ds games on my pc. i don't have many in my list, but if you want to suggest some cool/cute games i am all ears. anyway, i played shin seiki evangelion ayanami ikusei keikaku also known as ayanami raising project and i really don't know what i was expecting. i don't even know why i decided to play it, i just found the ROM and said "why not?", blindly, cluelessly. it's basically a hangout simulator with rei, with an overwhelming amount of sexual undertones, which i did not like one bit. classical. i didn't expect the di gi charat references. the soundtracks are lovely, though. i am halfway through the game but it's pretty boring so far. i suppose it doesn't hurt to try. |
14.12.2022 W1: this is a character of mine, i don't know how to name her. she's been around for several months, i drew her first concepts on a handmade notebook (made my a dear friend of mine, if you're reading this - which i doubt but you never know - thank you very much. i finished it already...) with a ballpoint pen over some text. i made several drawings of her, she lives in a coniferous forest in a wooden cabin. she cleans her teeth with sage leaves. she has a crt television and she a hoarding issue. she likes girls a normal amount. her handwriting sucks and mostly communicates through poorly drawn symbols rather than words and sentences. she does speak her local language (i have yet to decide which one...) but she doesn't visit the nearby town that often. her favorite food is pearl barley veggie soup. say hi!
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12.12.2022 song of the day: Number Girl // 透明少女 W1: About time i rediscovered NUMBER GIRL! i had a bunch of songs on my old spotify account but i don't use it anymore because fuck paying for music. i was writing a thing for this site but i cringed midway through it, but i decided to finish it anyway. Cringe culture is dead right? right?? |
9.12.2022 W1: i'm on my phone. i feel like going for a walk, but it's 3AM, and i don't know where to go. it's too cold outside, but staying in bed makes my bones ache. i want to leave and delete all traces of myself, but that would be impossible. it'll hurt me the most, but it's a risk i'm willing to take. there's nothing to mend anymore, goodnight. |
2.12.2022 song of the day: BABYMETAL - MEGITSUNE Guitar Cover W1: i rediscovered this cover i saved some time ago, it's pretty good. i wish i could play the guitar. actually, i wish i learned how to play many instruments, but my parents never let me when i was younger because lessons were (and still are) too expensive. it sucks though. i feel lots of envy towards those who are able to. i unironically have a good ear, so it's a shame i can barely play my middle school recorder. but hey, i can play certain songs by ear, like the lost woods theme from OOT and ACNH main theme. i don't even own those games. i only played the latter by stealing my boyfriend's switch two or three years ago. i am an awesome bug catcher. both in ACNH and irl. me and my father started collecting dead stag beetles we find near our house, we put them on the fireplace shelf. speaking of beetles, i have a female odontolabis lacordairei in a resin keychain (and i made a 1:1 plasticine replica of it), but i don't know where to attach it to. it's heavy as hell and i don't want people to look at me weird. why did i buy it, why am i embarrassed of it? why can't i just not care? |
25.11.2022 W1: a few friends i used to talk to sort of disappeared from my life and i'm wondering whether it's my fault or not. i'm not dense so i understand that not everything revolves around me and my behavior, but i am paranoid and i still miss them a lot. even though i have the means to communicate with them, i decided to wait, and if they actually reach out, then it's confirmed that it wasn't really my fault they had drifted away... sucks, because they're all people i really resonate with and we used to have (from my perspective) a wonderful bond. it's okay. i will always be here regardless. |
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22.11.2022 song of the day: Yabai the Maid - 60bpl W1: today has been colder than usual. rain, wind, and a broken umbrella. while i was on the train (shall i add: 20' late btw -- most punctual a train in IT btw) i put my playlist of 325 songs on shuffle. i never do that, i usually pick my songs depending on the mood, and since it was foggy and rainy (as novembers should be...) i thought to myself "huh... 60bpl could go with this" and i repeated "the next song will be 60bpl" like three times. before skipping my current song i even said "if i actually get 60bpl i would have another reason to believe my electronic devices monitor the inner machinations of my moldy brain". and so i skipped. and out of the 324 remaining songs what did it pick? 60bpl. amezig Neuralink(tm) momento. i dislike having paranoid thoughts about surveillance but i admit this one got me, ironically speaking. was it because the platform knew i listen to that song when there's that kind of weather? no, i deactivated geolocalization. or did i? or was it just a funny coincidence? the latter seems like a more creditable hypothesis. however, i wouldn't let my guard down. i don't want to be too nitpicky when it comes to privacy control because i'd appear as an outlier, and i don't really want to look like a suspicious individual. i may be mistaken and dumb, but it doesn't really matter in this day and age, when even mere coincidences seem prefabricated and planned. |
20.11.2022 song of the day: BLKSMIITH - F R A G M E N T W1: i ate at burberbing today, i didn't throw up (nice!). i was with my friends and we also went iceskating!!! so fun... unfortunately the music was so loud i had to stop after a while, plus too many kids who can't skate were bumping onto me. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
19.11.2022 song of the day: WEBG0RE - Cyberware W1: taking the train when it's dark is scary. that's the joy of having lectures from 9 to 19. |
1.1.2022 song of the day: Soft Kill - Whirl W1: i am so into urban exploration it's insane. i desperately need to explore abandoned places with somebody, but nobody here has the guts to do it. i'm the first person who cares about safety and all, but it sucks not to have someone to hang out with while inspecting such places, as long as nobody else goes there too. the same goes with hidden natural landscapes, nobody even wants to come with me because "it's so tiring" "let's stay at my place (again)" ugh let me propose something interesting for once!!! |
9.11.2022 song of the day: 黒塗り世界宛て書簡/重音テト(Letter to the Black World / Kasane Teto) W1: i'm a codependent disaster but i am proud to say i have never pushed myself to be with someone. sure i had my meaningless crushes when i was younger, but i never actively tried to be with someone to fulfill my own fantasy. the only time it happened, it just happened. i accepted it as part of my life flow, but it wasn't something i was "waiting" for, i didn't get into a relationship with the idea that i NEEDED one, i know i could've lived well enough even if it stayed at the friendship state. i don't need to force others to be with me romantically to feel fulfilled, i don't need adulation, i don't need "eternal love" in that sense. if i receive it, i am happy to give it back, otherwise, i will be okay anyway, because i'm not a desperate incel. i don't understand why people cling so much to the idea of being in a relationship when they've proven themselves & others that they're absolute inepts. if all your past ones failed because of you're too unstable to treat others like human beings, why do you keep searching for someone? |
2.11.2022 song of the day: TATIL 22 - sacrifice W1: i successfully learned the Georgian alphabet just 'cause. i am getting better at writing and reading it, i have no idea why i am doing this. memory exercises maybe. or maybe i just wanted to read Georgian songs' lyrics. who knows. |
31.10.2022 song of the day: Yakui The Maid - Yakui's Crippled Orchestra And Injured Railways Song W1: halloween... i am so out of energy, ugh. i need to do so much stuff for university and i keep procrastinating... i have an awful cough and my bones are made of gelatine. i'm thinking about the current situation. where i am, what people around me really are, and i came to the conclusion that i am... drumrolls... the exception!!! that's right friends, i am the true outlier. but i am very good at hiding it. it feels like they are trying to assimilate me into the mass, but i have to preserve my identity. i refuse to return to an amorphous state. i crave true constructs, real debates, not spineless bullshit. give me your best shots, prove yourself wrong, stop trying to convince me i'm the faulty one here. i am here and i exist right beside you. i am in conflict and you will deal with it. stop trying to change me, if i have to resurrect from my own ashes, then i'm the one that will set my own body on fire. my own unmoved mover, i move the pieces around by standing still. whether you like it or not, i will contradict you, and you won't be able to prove me wrong so easily. |
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24.10.2022 song of the day: Seoul - Haunt / A Light W1: i spent a lovely birthday two days ago. my friends gave me a lamp, a speaker, two notebooks, two canvases and paintbrushes. i got strawberry jelly juice at the store, it's very good. no cake for me though. i forgot to make myself one, and the ones they sell in supermarkets suck. i want tiramisù... |
4.10.2022 W1: today i spent my entire day in uni, i partially recovered from two horrifying losses happened yesterday. i couldn't sleep because i kept having breakdowns, so i'm slightly numb due to insomnia. i only spoke with one person i know irl about this, only through text, i can't bring myself to talk about it again. i'm still irreparably heartbroken. hopefully the course of time will manage to fix it for me. back luck is starting to infect me. |
26.9.2022 song of the day: Chikoi The Maid - Someday I'll Definitely Finish Something W1: ahh... it's raining. big thunderstorm tonight! well, not that big actually... medium. i've witnessed worse. how's it going? i resumed university and i got decent marks in my last two exams! i'll get my degree this year (hopefully!), i'm enjoying all courses so far. i may resume drawing too, i miss being able to rpoduce decent artworks. i don't loathe what i produce as much as i used to. i still struggle to find the motivation to start again. ah, it'll be cold tomorrow. a looooong day awaits! i don't have much else to say in this update... i've written some more stuff. i made new friends, my little bubble is safe. as for the situation with our current government... well, they better start getting used to their bloodflow circulating backwards! |
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4.9.2022 song of the day: Nada - Ma che freddo fa W1: so, it's chronic migraine time. i have it almost every day of the month. maybe it's because i stay up all night. since the start of covid, i have never been able to fall asleep before 2AM - average: 4:30AM. i can't seem to get better even after a long day, or when i know i have to wake up at 6:00AM. two hours of sleep it is, then. i hate it so much. i hate the sound of people snoring. |
22.8.2022 W1: i resumed crocheting again, i'm slowly getting better at it. social media frustrates me a lot and i don't want it to ruin my days. on another note, i'm planning to add another small entry collection... i'll work on it.. no spoilers.... |
10.8.2022 song of the day: John Maus - And Heaven Turned to Her Weeping
W1: schizophrenia be damned my girl can make plasticine garfield figures |
9.8.2022 d09cd0bdd0b520d182d0b0d0ba20d185d0bed187d0b0d186d186d0b020d181d0bfd0b0d186d18c2c0d0ad09dd0b520d185 |
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29.6.2022 song of the day: eightiesheadachetape - what we did in the desert W1: it's raining. just what i needed to calm myself down a little bit. i want to go outside. and roll in the grass... but i'll catch a cold. i'll just breathe. |
20.6.2022 song of the day: Sixth June - Back For A Day W1: sometimes i ask myself if there is beauty in destruction, and my answer is often yes. but then i ask myself, i am already living in a world that aims to destroy me, is it really beautiful? no, i hate it. i can only worship the corrosion of our current society. annihilation of capitalism, liberation for women, disgregation of traditional values, abolition of pretentious progressivism and liberalism. the fall of the market, the demolition of concrete blocks, nature reclaiming its corrupted components. the wires no longer need maintenance, spiritualism faces its biggest cope ever, the fall of modern society as we know it. sometimes i want to run away and become the soil. i feel like those concrete blocks. i want to be left on the ground and let ivy climb my skin and wait for the rain to slowly break me to pieces. i am a concrete building. i am a brutalist interface. but i give up. constraints and rigidity are not things i wish to achieve. i want to slowly decompose while i watch the clouds becoming darker. it's all grey and green. i'm not depressed right now. i hate pessimism. but sometimes a girl just needs to take that bauhaus reclaimed by nature pill. |
26.5.2022 song of the day: ロマンスしたい - 岡本舞子 W1: it's really hot here. i finished university, i have nice grades. i am a bit scared of my next exams. i had some terrible days, but now it's all ok. :-) |
8.5.2022 song of the day: Великие Фальши - Гештальт (лето 2021 демо) W1: Non trovo le cose da dire quando devo aggiornare questo diario, probabilmente non c'è nulla di importante da mostrare a un pubblico inesistente. è un po' come parlare da soli, da soli in mezzo alla strada con qualche passante che cammina contro di te o che ti sorpassa, non si capisce ciò che dici se non qualche parola. è una cosa passeggera, impregnata di bizzarria e occhiate perplesse o sprezzanti. ma tanto nessuno parla italiano su questo sito quindi la logorrea si perderebbe in un blocco di testo indecifrabile, non è così? e chi c'ha voglia di tradurre una stringa così lunga di caratteri se non preventivamente munito di estrema noia e voglia di sprecare il proprio tempo? penso molto al tempo sprecato. al tempo che spreco ascoltando musica che non capisco, ci vedo i pattern linguistici e riconosco le stringhe di parole familiari ma per me non è altro che una serie di frequenze piacevoli da registrare nella testa. qua c'è freddo e siamo quasi a metà maggio, incredibile, no? ho le mani congelate ed è tardi. mi sento come quell'ammasso di cavi lasciato sul binario morto che ho visto l'altro giorno mentre ero sul treno. ci sono così tante cose a cui penso quando sono sul treno. o forse no? non so quando penso e quando non penso, è come se le cose venissero in automatico senza pensarci tanto tempo. pensieri effimeri che non permangono nella mia testa per più di 100ms o 200ms. le uniche cose che si fissano sono ossessioni e auto-flagellazioni che fanno da sfondo mentre fingo di essere una persona well-adjusted e normale-pillata. ho molte opinioni riguardo molti ambiti e continuano a cambiare. la mia identità non ha importanza per gli altri ma per me vale molto. eppure non riesco a costringerla entro certi parametri. so solo di essere femmina. ciò basta, credo. odio esserlo, ma non voglio cambiare. ho accettato che la mia intera esistenza sarà dettata da questo e ciò mi turba abbastanza, non sono pronta ad accettare un futuro di delusioni. se mi preparo, farà meno male quando accadrà. poi se non capita, farò finta di non aver sprecato tutti i miei anni precedenti rimuginando su cose che avevano possibilità di accadere, e invece non sono accadute. che ridere. la paranoia è logorante e si amplifica sempre quando sto da sola. sto ascoltando canzoni in georgiano, non capisco nulla, ma è come se capissi tutto. le frequenze parlano e trascendono i costrutti linguistici. non so se sono fatta per questa vita ma vabbè, si tira avanti. non che abbia tanta altra scelta, vero? |
2.4.2022 song of the day: Eduard Artemyev - The Death of the Hero (Siberiade Soundtrack) W1: hello, how are you doing? it's been a while, isn't it? yesterday i went to lebanon hanover's concert and it's been really amazing. university is going well, i resumed drawing too after a fairly long hiatus. my right index is still not doing well. |
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11.2.2022 song of the day: Yakui The Maid - Continium W1: i resumed crocheting, i asked my mother to teach me (for the second time because last time she tried to teach me was,, 10 years ago lol). i am still kind of bad at it but it distracts me from my daily struggles (such as finding out that i have arthritis in my right hand,,,, lolx2 -- i'll get it checked tomorrow) |
7.2.2022 song of the day: The Mall - An Answer i kinda feel like this: |
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2.2.2022 song of the day: билборды - рисую кровью W1: this month will be absolutely hellish for me, i'll have 2 exams and i'll restart uni too.. sigh...... it's not going well at all lol!! |
21.1.2022 song of the day: tsumetai - a spark from my lighter is all i have W1: the last few days have been really boring yet stressful. uninterrupted focus on uni exams until the 9th of february. i've been sleeping less and less every day. but hey, it's been one week from the last time i bit my nails. i call this #progress. |
10.1.2022 song of the day: Ghosts on TV - What if W1: things have been going well lately. i started making charms and keychains for my friend(s) with some cute beads i found in local stores (and by tearing apart old necklaces and bracelets i used to wear when i was little). the song i added in this entry was my favorite one from 2016 to 2018. it's a finnish indie rock band. i need to listen to their newest tracks. it's weird, i'm probably the only it*lian fan lol. i would like to go see them but they do events/concerts in finland/russia only. too bad. maybe once i earn enough money to go visit helsinki or something like that. |
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1.1.2022 song of the day: Click to Find Out W1: happy new year online friends. let's start this 2022 with the right foot, and with one of my favorite songs. |