Return to The Gate
Return to the Archive

 ,gggggggggggg,                                                   
dP"""88""""""Y8b,                                                 
Yb,  88       `8b,                                                
 `"  88        `8b  gg                           gg               
     88         Y8  ""                           ""               
     88         d8  gg     ,gggg,gg   ,gggggg,   gg     ,ggggg,   
     88        ,8P  88    dP"  "Y8I   dP""""8I   88    dP"  "Y8ggg
     88       ,8P'  88   i8'    ,8I  ,8'    8I   88   i8'    ,8I  
     88______,dP' _,88,_,d8,   ,d8b,,dP     Y8,_,88,_,d8,   ,d8'  
    888888888P"   8P""Y8P"Y8888P"`Y88P      `Y88P""Y8P"Y8888P"    
                                                                  
    

[dd/mm/yyyy]



2.2.2023

song of the day: 07 Solitude (孤独, Kodoku)


i am one exam away from ending this session, i couldn't sleep at all in the past week, so i decided to spend my nights devolving back to my 12 year old state and rewatch death note. i had forgotten most of it despite my Very Much Apparent obsession in the early 2010s. i remember having some aquaintances back in middle school who really liked it too, but i never really got close to them. i also reckon my unwillingness to continue the anime after ep26, i was unironically scared it would've been disappointing as hell, so this time, almost a decade later, i actually managed to watch it until the end plus the OVAs because why not, i need some distractions in my life.
i still think the soundtracks are absolute bangers, such as the one in today's song of the day. i had this one in my head all the time today.
i think i will draw some characters for my Office. and also because my sketchbook is in dire need of tumblr sexymen.


25.1.2023 ~ 20'000 aching footsteps

song of the day: my screams (my legs are hurting so much help ouch ouch)


it's currently midnight and my day (24.01.2023) has been one of the most tiresome i've ever had in... years. i ended up sleeping 1 hour and a half (not good), but the exam went well (good), but after a poor lunch i missed two trains (not good), and i had to walk a two-digit amount of kilometers to accompany my friend back home with a heavy bag that almost dislocated my shoulders and right wrist (not good), but i took some semi-decent pics of lots of things along the way (splendid).
i am nowhere near being a talented (hell, even passable) photographer, but i hoard lots of memories through my camera roll. as we were going for that excruciating walk, my friend told me that she had never seen anybody pay close attention to seemingly irrelevant details in nature, before meeting me. of course, i took it as a compliment, but perhaps what she really wanted to tell me was more along the lines of "could you please stop taking pictures of every fucking thing you find in front of your eyes?". but whatever.
so i saw a crow, and i told her "look, it's a crow! while that other bird is smaller and has a white belly, it must be a magpie, or a gazza" (italian is her third language, so i often try to give her an alternative english translation). as we were sitting on a bench i crouched down and took a picture of a round moss cushion underneath it. i picked up some bird's-eyes (Veronica persica, in italian, we call them Holy Mary's eyes). we encountered many abandoned structures, but we didn't get inside any of them. we just took some pictures from the outside.
in short, i had fun despite all the odds. here's some "highlights" from today's disastrous trip.


24.1.2023

as of late, i am unable to listen to music


I just finished writing the notes I will use tomorrow during my exam. It's an open-textbook exam, I'm not cheating, worry not. It's still quite scary though, statistics has always been pretty hard for me. I did well during the course and in the simulations, the only issue is that I am very distracted. I tend to miss spelling mistakes quite easily. This exam is about writing proper code/syntax, so it'll be quite a challenge for me, even though I'm not dyslexic. I may be sliiiightly dyscalculic, more often than not I mistake and misread numbers that contain 3,5, and 7. I don't know why! Maybe I have faulty neural circuits that affect my interpretation whenever I see those numbers. Who knows. I hate neuroscience. It's midnight, but I feel so awake, I am so nervous, I have so much stuff on my mind, I have many people in my mind, all linked to me in different ways. I feel discombombulated. Three exams to go until mid february.
Oh, lately I started to research into my mbti functions again. I know it's pseudoscience, but it's really fun to see how much of my personality can be explained through a model. After taking several sketchy tests and reading dozens of function descriptions, I stand between ISTJ and INTJ. Intriguing, I suppose.


20.1.2023

song of the day: Kaitai The Maid - Not Good


My test hasn't gone as good as I expected, so I feel quite bummed out. My mood hasn't recovered since mid december, and lately everything has been going worse. It's hard to keep going. I hate the news and social media. I see awful things all the time, they remind me how much this world was not meant for me, but for those who only aim to take advantage of me. I wish I could live through it without the impellent desire to do something about it. It only brings me pain, I am absolutely powerless, I can only fantasize about a world where bad things don't happen to us, like a kid asking Santa for world peace. It's a defeatist point of view, but I've grown really tired of it. It doesn't jibe well with my problems. I feel dumb for talking about it on here, but it's safe to assume that most people won't even read this, so it won't have a noticeable effect.


19.1.2023

no song of the day today


My mother brought home some leftover snacks her friend made for dinner yesterday. It's a mixture of flour, olive oil, milk (or wine), sugar, salt, lemon and yeast/baking soda. After making the dough, it is flattened and grilled on the gréola. It's a soft, bread-like snack, delicious and almost addicting... too bad I ate it all. (•ˋ _ ˊ•)
Now I'm going to go study for my next exam, prepare myself some ginseng and watch the snowflakes falling outside my window... first snow we had in a while, here!
Completely off topic, but yesterday, my mother and my grandma told me some interesting things about tv culture in the 50s-60s-70s among the lower class in the countryside. I will definitely write about it later this evening or tomorrow! I love documenting seemingly irrelevant things about my family, I don't want to lose them. I have a tendency to hoard information, it's the gatherer instinct, my apologies.


10.1.2023

song of the day: Chikoi The Maid - 312


I haven't been eating well these days, my circadian cycle is all messed up and i can't manage to go to sleep before 5:30. it was a warm sunny day today, i caught my cuccos sunbathing, very cute. i spent a good portion of my afternoon outside, then i went back inside because i had to study for my first exam in this session (midterm?). i scheduled 5 exams already, and i have 2 on hold from the first year (pain). i am not progressing the way i intended to, i struggle a lot with maintaining an optimal schedule, so i end up improvising the amount of work i have to do each day, and lo and behold, it's always suboptimal. it's like procrastination, but i trick my brain into thinking that i have done enough up until that point. except it's not enough. i wish i weren't cursed with executive dysfunction, but in my defense, there's a reasonable explanation as to why that happens. many things are stressing me out in this period, and weirdly enough, my exam have a marginal role in this.
Anyway, i was thinking about making some additional pages with music and pictures i find around the web. i tend to make very specific associations, and i want to give them some pseudo-physical form on this site. like a moodboard or something, except the connection between things runs deeper. i'll see what i can do.


5.1.2023

song of the day: PoDD Yumemi's Theme: Strawberry Crisis!!


I started this new year with some touhou, specifically, Imperishable Night and Subterranean Animism (my favorites). I was an avid* touhou player back in 2020-2021, and since then, my skills rapidly decreased. I had forgotten a bunch of the patterns necessary to anticipate some movements, and it made me sort of frustrated. It's obviously not that serious. but it sucks to see that neuroplasticity is Very Much vulnerable to extinction if not reinforced with practice. It still amazes me to see how much of the franchise I had consolidated in my memory, even though I hadn't touched the game(s) for a whole year. This never happened for other previous media I abandoned in the past, which makes me put touhou in a special place. My love for certain characters is branded in my heart, that's for sure. I can't help but love those silly, ethanol-spawned creatures.

*My skill level is (and was) far from admirable, I'm still a normal mode parasite.